Chieftain Tank
How best to deal with a most trying situation what?
On taking my house servants for their regular 4:30 am march around the Clap trap Castle Acreage I happened upon a most disturbing situation what? There in the east corner I discovered a small pack of human vermin feeding off undergrowth just out side the Clap trap boundaries. They had anchored an odd looking vessel with two wheels ( I am told it is known as a caravan) being guarded by two ferocious looking sets of teeth that drip white gunge and make loud growling noises.These Plebeians have rather cheekily attached themselves to the Clap trap electrified fence and aer enjoying episodes of Britain's got exploitables! How should I best remove these parasites? Should I simply deliver to them a cruise missile or perhaps just run over them in my chieftain tank what? ?
My Good General,
A man of your military expertise should no doubt have many creative means of removal at your disposal. I, myself, am most delighted by the prospect of a good torturing!
I would start off by capturing the offenders and electrocuting them for days on end. I would allow them only a diet of poison ivy leaves and male fertilization from yours truly. Sensory and sleep deprivation are best used in this circumstance but also hamstring the lot of them! Give them a few mock executions here and there and then lock them in the bowels of Clap Trap manor with the rest of the remains of those who were before them.
Oh my! All this talk of torture and execution has left me quite virile. I must summon my chambermaid to strangle my body while I give myself attention. Tip Top!
Sir Harold Chesterhill of York
(dictated but not read)